Yesterday... While I am chatting with Dino... Keep on thinking what had really happen to him?? why he change so suddenly?? i thought that was his mistake... as he is climbing higher, we are getting further... this is my concept... but i didnt realised that i did a lot of mistake... when i knew that he feel he was left out... my heart sank... i know that feeling... i ever came across that... it was so bad...
From last night, i realised that i am the one who is torturing him long time ago... This is what i had done so wrongly... i am not suppose to suspect him that he had change... i maybe the one who cause him to change... why everything seems repeating repeating and repeating...?? wont it just stop?? these are all my fault... i cant forgive myself since i did so many wrong... i remembered Dino said that i have to give myself a chance and try to trust myself... all i know is... when i started to give myself a chance and try to trust myself... everything gone wrong...
Sorry, friend... i dont beg for your forgiveness... 'cause this is really wrong... i didnt realised it... sorry... it's my fault... you should have been so happy around... i think you would be happier as if you didnt know me... 'cause i always abandoned you and didnt noticed you were alone that long time... sorry... i am the one who didnt appreciate you... you are too precious for me... i cant trust myself to handle it anymore... you were part of my beautiful memorise... i hope u will be happier from now on... if you feel happier when i am out of your memorise... you can just pull me out... i caused lots of frustration for you... i am sorry... i didnt mean it...
Last time, i just wanted you to change so treated you so badly... this maybe one of the excused for you... but i really wish to see you change... i thought you changed back to him... but then i realised was not you had changed... but i had abandoned you that made you feel so out when we're talking... i hope we three can have a talk together to solve this misunderstanding... but i guess... i cant as i did wrong... sorry... now i think, i should really leave you alone to give you time to think...
this told me that... i shouldnt want a person to change... i should let him freely... but not forced him or her to change... this cause pressure to that person... and leave out him or her... i'll never do it again... im sorry for everything...
Besides, i want to thank a person who taught me so many things... he taught me to be strong whatever happened... he let me know that i am not standing alone... i am really lucky to have a friends like this... this is the most most most precious present i ever had in this year... now, what i can do is wait... wait for time to solve it for me... wait for the him to think... sorry...
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